Ross and the Tortoise

When we were on vacation in Mexico, Ross really, really like the iguanas. When we got home, he asked if we could have one for a pet. We had to go to the local pet store and get some bunny food, so I told him we would check with the lady there, as she is pretty knowledgeable about all things scaly. One time when we were in there chatting, she said, "I hope you don't mind snakes" and I said that I didn't mind them in cages. Turns out she was WEARING her snake as a belt. I almost had a heart attack. But, it was a nice belt. Anyways....while we were in the pet store, Ross went to the window where there are usually guinea pigs in a pen. No guinea pigs today, instead there was the coolest tortoise we had ever seen!

Ross thought maybe it was a dinosaur turtle. The pet store lady told us all about "Tank", what he ate, low maintenance, only poops every other day, etc, etc. We were pretty excited about this (it was the coolest tortoise we had ever seen) so we rushed home to discuss with the boss, Jeff. He thought it sounded pretty neat, and was ready to head to the store and check him out. But then, I had the great idea of googling Sulcata Tortoises. Here is a sample of what I found:
Sulcata tortoises are the third largest tortoise in the world. They can grow to be up to two hundred pounds. At thirty pounds it's difficult to get these tortoises to go where you want them to go, you can imagine what it's like trying to get a tortoise that is over a hundred pounds to do what you want. They are destructive. You cannot have a beautiful lawn and a Sulcata. They don't go together. You need a reinforced fenced in yard with the fencing dug down because they will burrow down. They will ram gates and fencing breaking them down, so they have to be strong. They eat a lot, and with eating a lot, they poop a lot. Every day. They are very personable wonderful tortoises, but they are expensive to keep, take a lot of time and a lot of work.
The next thing to consider is if you have a dog or a cat. Tortoises do not mix well with dogs or cats. Most people think of dogs and cats with tortoises and the damage done to the tortoises. This is very true. There have been countless cases of tortoises mauled by the family pet that had lived harmoniously with that very tortoise for years until one day when it decided it looked like a great chew toy. However a Sulcata tortoise is a strong tortoise and they have the ability to ram, and ram fast. There have been quite a few cases of broken legs on dogs that were rammed into a wall or cats broken beyond repair from being rammed by a large Sulcata. Care must be taken to keep them away.

So, basically we aren't getting a tortoise.